I cannot tell you when I began not to care
Of my life or yours - of being here or there.
I sense no joy that holidays or birthdays bring,
I cringe in terror at a door knock or telephone ring.
Blank walls squeeze around me as blankly I stare,
My eyes see but there is nothing there.

Self-loathing and self-pity occupy me full time
Frustration and doubt are imbedded in mind.
Lost in yesteryears memories from back when
I revel in that youth, at what might have been.
A constant aura around me is hued dark black,
No matter mind wanderings, I cannot go back.

My emotions as colors blend but not as one
But many pastels not one of them strong.
Deeper! Ever deeper into my dark abyss I crawl
Associated with nothing, I care not at all.
Days creep by to empty nights and seasons fleet past
And I will remain isolated, until the last.

Yes! You may say words to me but I will not hear
You can see me clear but I won't be there.
Locked into minds solitude suffering life's scars
My home is my prison, my mind the bars.
No companionship do I have nor none do I need
Fate has chosen this way - It comforts me.